Book Character Interview

Okay, first of all: hello everyone! I know it has been awhile since my last interview, but trying to find Slayers to interview has been difficult since there’s been some interesting developments in the pack. And woe is me, the only person who took me up on my offer to be interviewed is Malcolm, the mortal nemesis of main character, Ness Vancouver .

Birthday: None of your business!
Favorite movies: Movies are a waste of time
Favorite food: A blend of fish, eggs, spinach and milk. Oh, and peanuts. Tastes like junk but it’s packed with protein.

Me: Hi Malcolm, how are you today?
Malcolm: Tired.
Me: Oh, sorry to hear that. Up late last night chasing wolves?
Malcolm: Are you an idiot? Was the full moon last night? No. And besides, I don’t chase werewolves, I kill them. I just couldn’t sleep.
Me: Right, well, I was trying to make a joke, but never mind. Anyway, um, I’m afraid to ask, but what do you do for fun?
Malcolm: Fun? Do you honestly think I have time for fun? I’m a trained werewolf slayer!
Me: Fine then! What would you like to talk about, since you’re the one who wanted to be interviewed?!?
Malcolm: Ah, never thought you’d ask. Well, firstly, I’d like to give a shout out to a certain girl I know.
Me: I’d venture to guess this isn’t going to be a love note.
Malcolm: *glares at me* I want you to know, and I won’t say your name but I know you know who you are, that I still plan on getting my revenge. If you are wise, you’ll die. If not, be prepared to face my wrath!
Me: Okay then! Well, I can’t tell you how much fun this has been–
Malcolm: *gets to his feet and leave*
Me: I hate it when my characters rebel.

Well, now do see the nightmare I’ve been going through trying to get interviewees? If anyone has a question for the jerk, I mean, delightful Mr. Malcolm, ask away. But I can’t promise he’ll be civil to any of you. You have been warned. Good luck to you all.


20 thoughts on “Book Character Interview

  1. Mr. Malcolm, don’t you think that it’s time that we, as culture, moved beyond this knee-jerk lycophobia and worked together, both human and demi-human, to end the violence? Shouldn’t we be learning to embrace, rather than fear, the zoomorph community and to celebrate the accomplishments and contributions of our furrier brothers and sisters?

    • Malcolm: Er, hmm, uh, well, I suppose, from your standpoint, the violence seems uncalled for, but little do you know, that my people (and by the way, we’re not humans, we are Slayers!) protect you humans from werewolves, as they find you to be appetizing little delicacies. Now go ahead and try to throw some more big words at me! Ha!

      Me: Just ignore him, that’s what I do.

    • Malcolm: She knows it is coming. Is she was smart (which she’s not!) she’d take the hint and step down graciously. And what do you know about the element of surpirse? Hmm? I doubt you’ve ever snuck up on a wolf in your life! So pipe down, pesky human!

      Me: Sorry about that Charles, but I did warn everyone that he’s not the most pleasant fellow.

    • Malcolm: How dare you insult me?! I am the only thing keeping the wolves from swooping down and devouring you, insignificant human girl!

      Me: Just answer her question already!

      Malcolm: Fine. I use a sword. Know what that is? Imagine a really, really long butter knife with the ability to slice a bone in half. Fear me!

      Me: Can it, Dracula.

      • Gee, thank you Mr. Malcom. I know from swords – I have a friend with a penchant for claymores. Don’t tell him, but I’m pretty sure you’d give him a run for his money.

      • Malcolm: Am I to take that as a complement??? Or are you insulting me some more?

        Me: See Katie, putting up with D would be a vacation compared to this. Talk about big egos.

        Malcolm: What’s that supposed to mean?

        Me: Forget it.

      • (snerk) I see what you mean – D is a teddy bear in comparison.

        And yes, Malcom, that was actually a compliment – not that you’d need one from … what am I? An insignificant human girl? Oh yeah, that’s right.

        As a side note, do you enjoy being a slayer? Do you lurk?

      • Malcolm: Well, eh hmm, in that case, thank you, uh, Katie.

        Me: Wow, did you hurt yourself?

        Malcolm: *snarls*

        Me: Well? Do you like being a slayer or not? And oh yes, he lurks…a lot!

        Malcolm: She was not talking to you! So be quiet! Anyway, no I don’t enjoy being a Slayer, I love it. I live for it. And Lurk?! Of course not! I stand in the open proudly, letting my enimies know who is going to bring about their downfall.

        Me: *sigh*

      • Thank you Malcom.

        You’re probably too fast to be a target standing out there proudly, right? No need to answer, I’m just being a human and pointing out the obvious. And thank you for being civil. . . well, to me, at least.

      • Malcolm: Of course! And for a human, I suppose you’re not that bad. (Feel free to take that as a complement.) And smart, too! I know, my charm brings out the best in everyone.

        Me: You sure are full of yourself today.

        Malcolm: If you continue insulting me, I’m going to leave.

        Me: Really? Do you mean it?

        Malcolm: Has anybody ever told you that you’re an extremely difficult person to like?

        Me: Yep. And I’m pretty sure it was you who told me. Sorry about all this Katie, some of my characters just won’t shut up.

  2. Am I too late to ask Mr. Malcolm a question? (Please don’t bite my head off, Mr. Malcolm.) Here it is: Besides killing werewolves, what are you passionate about?

    • Me: Uh oh, I’m going to make a quick exit. You’re on your own, L. Marie.

      Malcolm: I’m going to be perfectly frank with you L. Marie. Everything I ever loved has been stolen from me. The woman I pledged my love to broke my heart, and the job I’ve wanted since I was a cub was given to a whelp of a girl whom I hate, passionately. My own alpha despises me, and he allowed my one and only sister to be killed. I have no friends. All I have left is my job. If I were to be told that I couldn’t kill werewolves anymore, I’d die because that would mean there is nothing left for me in this world. I don’t golf. I don’t skydive. I don’t go out for ice cream or dances. But I do meditate. And I practice using my weapons. I push my body to be the best slayer that it can be. That is all.

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