Squirrels: This Time It’s Personal (part 14)

This is the next installment from the epic Community Storyboard’s Chain Story Event!!!

Continued from Linda, thank you ma’am!

While Aragorn headed for the powder room, Pantene in hand, Gandalf took up his cellular phone and speed-dialed the last person he ever wanted to see again.

“Hello?” Answered the sing-songy voice.

“Edwina, I’m going to need your help.” Gandalf spit out the words, cursing himself the whole while.

“Be right over, Sweetums.” Edwina chirped.

“Just great…” Gandalf sighed as he powered off the phone. He’d vowed never to speak to that woman again, much less ask her for help. But, drastic times call for drastic measures. She was just the thing, er, person, for the job.

Not ten minutes had passed before the slender blond dressed all in pink, wearing a ten gallon hat on her head and a bedazzled belt around her waist, appeared in the entryway.  “Hello, Ganny dear.” She cooed.

“Hello, Edwina.”

“To what do I own the pleasure of your call? I vaguely remember you saying you’d rather die than speak to me again.”

Gandalf struggled to keep from shouting. “I need help.”

“You always have. I still think a psychiatric ward is in order, but as I no longer have power of attorney…”

Face turning red to purple from the withheld rage, Gandalf eyes bulged slightly as he struggled to continue. “Seems your old buddy McAdams went and got herself killed. That sapheaded partner of hers is dead, too, but it seems as though our dear king-to-be gave him a secret mission-”

“Aragorn is here? I thought I heard singing.” Edwina took a few steps further into the house, studying the mess around her. “Lovely. You need a house keeper. This bloody place is in shambles.”

“Enough! That’s it! I called on you because I have no other options. I’m at the end of my rope! Those blasted goddess-serving squirrels are going to take over the world if we can’t find that waitress! Aragorn and myself have decided to venture into Fangorn Forest to see if we can’t rescue the poor girl. But we need McAdams.”

“I’m hurt, Ganny. All you ever do is send me on suicide missions.” Edwina stuck out her bottom lip and crossed her arms in a pouty fashion, tapping her toe impatiently.

“This is no suicide mission! And that trip to Cairo would have been either, if you hadn’t dropped by that tea house! I told you to–never mind. We need her shoe.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“McAdams was vaporized, and the only hope of bringing her back is if we get her shoe. One was vaporized along with her, but one of her heels must be around somewhere. Heaven’s knows its about time those gaudy shoes came in handy for something. So, can you or can you not find it?”

“If you must ask, you don’t know me very well.” Edwina smirked, taking off her hat and laying it on the sofa. “Take care of that. I’ll be back for it.” She says as she slips off her belt and coils it beside the Stetson.

Edwina steps out the door, smiling over her shoulder, “Wish me luck.”

“Never.” Gandalf mumbles.

“I can smell that high-heel already! Caught in a gutter, right out side the smoke easy, I believe. Stupid girl, I’ll have to teach her about proper foot attire…” Shaking with suppressed laughter, Edwina begins to transform. Her ears become pointier, her nose longer, her teeth larger, until her head no longer looks human, but like that of a wolf. Her body twists and arches on the ground as her limbs change size and shape. When the transformation is at least compete, Werewolf-ish Edwina winks at Gandolf and bounds away, just as Aragorn emerges from the powder room.

“Well my boy, don’t stand about staring into space! We must be going!” He chirps merrily, running his fingers through his long, chestnut hair.

Gandolf sighs and turned to walk out the door. But he stops mid-step, turns back around and snatches up Edwina’s hat, tossing it carelessly into the fireplace. “That’s for siding with that goddess sister of yours last time…” he mumbles before striding out into the night.

And this story shall be continued by….Rarasaur!