I love history. And there is one subject in particular I love to study: Billy the Kid. I’ve read all books, WebPages, and magazines about him that I can find, and I especially love watching movies about him (Young Guns is my favorite western movie of all time.).
But there are two things I cannot bring myself to do: read the book written by Patrick F. Garrett (it was actually written by his friend, except for the last few chapters) or visit Fort Sumner, the location Billy was supposedly shot and buried.
I’m afraid of what might be lurking under the cover of Garrett’s book. Billy told Garrett stories of himself, and Garrett used those details against him. I don’t want to know what Garrett thought or felt. I don’t know if Garrett’s friend used Billy’s exact words, or if he twisted them to make people hate him (Billy) even more. So the book sits under a layer of dust on my bookshelf. One day I might read it, but then again, I may never have the courage to look at the pages.
And I don’t want to see Billy’s grave. Because in my mind, Billy is still very much alive. (Not physically, of course.) But I’m afraid that if I see his headstone, I will feel like a rock is crushing me. I think I might just feel like I have been lying to myself with the vain hope that Billy lived on after July 14, 1881.
Is this silly? Am I hurting or helping myself for filling in the gaps with bits of fiction from my own imagination? Should I just open that book and see what it says? Should I go to Billy’s supposed place of rest?
With my luck, you know what I’d see there? Billy. His ghost anyway. And then I’d just have to interview him! 😉
When I Became an Author 
I understand what you mean, it’s a bit like the fact that I can’t watch Patrick Swayze movies anymore, not because I was a big fan or anything, but Dirty Dancing was so iconic and I just can’t believe he’s no longer with us. So if I don’t see it, then I don’t think about it. Make sense in an odd kind of way. I have to confess to not knowing much about Billy the Kid but if you have him on a pedastal and then your illusions are shattered, where will you go from there? I say leave the book where it is and wait until you are strong enough to not worry about what it says – lol! You’ve got me curious though – might have to do some Billy the Kid research – hubby will know. 🙂
Ah, thanks Jade. I like your advice. And I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way.
And oh! Before you ask your husband anything (he might give you the correct answer and I won’t feel like a Billy the Kid history buff any more!), could I test your knowledge a little bit? I’ve been putting up polls about westerns and Billy the Kid, could you take a look at them and tell me what your opinion is?
https://whenibecameanauthor.wordpress.com/2013/05/23/billy-the-kid/
https://whenibecameanauthor.wordpress.com/2013/05/17/what-makes-a-good-western/
https://whenibecameanauthor.wordpress.com/2013/05/14/me-and-billy-the-kid/
Voted and commented – love the idea although I am hopeless at these kinds of things as Westerns are really hubbies domain. Congratulations on the book being published, looking forward to updates etc.. and I did enjoy trying to think of the answers…:-) Have published my WIP post today so check it out if you get chance. 🙂
Yes, westerns have long been just for men, but I hope to change that! A line of books with strong, female characters, and even some youngsters should help get woman and kids to start reading the western genre more. Thanks Jade! And I’ll be looking into your WIP soon!
Tough question. Ever think of reading some of the Amazon reviews on the book to see what people are saying? You might get an idea of the honesty and tone of the book. You could also read a bunch of aggravating reviews, so it is a dangerous path to take.
That’s an interesting idea. I never even thought to see if the book is on amazon! Hang on! I’ll be right back
***
Nope. The book isn’t there. But that was a good idea Charles. Thank you!
A book that isn’t on Amazon? You sure it exists and you’re not looking at a phantom book?
Well don’t I feel silly.
Yes, the book is on amazon. It helps if I type in the correct title.
Anyway, I guess I’m going to go read some reviews now. Thanks again for the great idea. 😉
You’re welcome. Hopefully it works out for you. It could always help to get the Garrett character down (if he’s in your book) to read it too. Even a book from your hero’s nemesis can help.
You made a good point. But I still don’t think I’m ready to read the book. Which is a good thing, since I seem to have misplaced the book!!!
Is misplaced code for feeding it to a lion? 😛
I wish it was that exciting. The dust bunnies probably ate it 😉
Dust bunnies are voracious and breed like real bunnies. My college dorm room was infested with them.
Ah, yes. There aren’t that many dust bunnies in our house. Most of them are in my room. I just wish they’d stop stealing my socks and hiding them under the bed. 😉
Better sock stealing dust bunnies than the annoying underwear gnomes (South Park).
Yep, I’m going to have to agree with you. I’ll keep my little bunnies.
In my ripe old age, I’m learning to not look too deeply when there’s a chance that someone I admire will prove to have clay feet (or worse, clay all the way up to the collarbone). The upside is that I never have to feel disillusioned about the person. The downside is I never really know then who it is that I’m admiring. Is it so awful to find out that the person you had put on a pedestal really belongs on a level with you; that is, that the person is only human? It’s a tough call, really. There are still a few people (celebrities) that I admire so much I will not entertain any more knowledge about them beyond what I need to keep the flame burning. I do that knowingly and without shame ;). That said, Charles offers some good advice for at least figuring out if the book is worth reading. Good luck!
Yes, I agree with you. Reading the reviews were really helpful to me. But I’m still not ready to read the actual book.
Thank you for stopping by! Hope to stay in touch! 🙂
I can’t say if you’re hurting yourself not to read the book. In this situation..you are working on a book centering on Billy The Kid. You have set your ideas and your story into motion based on what you know/want to know. I try my best not to read too much when I’m working on a project. I find it clutters my imagination. And that’s what you are working with here, Briana, how you imagine this world you’ve created for your readers. I agree with Jade…you will know when you are ready to read this book.
Ellespeth
Thanks Ellespeth. It is amazing to me how diffucult the thought of reading this book is. You’d think I’d just eat it up since its written about Billy. But how Garrett describes him on the front is as follows: “The noted desperado of the southwest, whose deeds of daring and blood made his name a terror in New Mexico, Arizona, & Northern Mexico.” I don’t want to think of Billy as a bad man. But reading some reviews on amazon about the book has made me curious. Maybe a little peak wouldn’t hurt. 😉
I’ll throw something new in to the conversation. Have you ever thought about reincarnation? Perhaps you are Billy coming back for some answers? Or perhaps you are his best friend coming back to right some wrong? Or perhaps you are Billy’s girlfriend and you’ve come back to set the record straight! Crazy idea, I know, but I just thought of it and I do believe that we all have a purpose in life. I’d read the book, it may give you answers, it may give you a hole load of new questions!
That is an interesting idea Rosie! I’ve never given much thought to reincarnation, but that’s an intriguing theory. There’s a part of me who wishes that to be true. And now that you’ve said that, I might have to read a few pages of the book and see how I feel. Maybe it is the best idea after all. Thanks a lot Rosie! 🙂
Nobody will change what you have in your head so whatever experience you might do it won’t change much what you feel! I understand what you feel but think about that:even if you’ll read something umpleasant about him,will you change your mind about him?No,of course!That’s because you admire and love him as he is!It’s more or less like md and pirates!I know they did aweful things but I love them all the same!
Very true, and good advice! Thank you Franny! 🙂